


Aliens Make Good Friends, Baby

by JayTDawgzone9999



Category: Space ☆ Dandy, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Blood and Violence, Crack, Gen, Minor Violence, Multiple Universes Colliding, Multiverse, What-If, what-if fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 20:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21142778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayTDawgzone9999/pseuds/JayTDawgzone9999
Summary: Three alien hunters catch a lucky break when a certain unusual alien saves the day for them.





	Aliens Make Good Friends, Baby

Somewhere in the vast universe, there were people making money and engaging in productive, useful activities. Naturally, none of those people were on the Aloha-Oe, much to QT's resigned frustration. 

"Hey Meow, check out the hooters on this chick!" Dandy yelled to Meow, who was eating cheese curls with his tail while hugging his girly pillow. 

"I thought you said that the real show was down below. It's not like you don't remind everyone at least twice a week that you're an ass man, Dandy." Meow said in a bored tone of voice, grabbing another cheese curl from the plastic container with his tail and shoving it in his mouth. 

"Yeah, well, this chick's hooters are really something else. And there's like 6 of them too, that's twice the boobies!" Dandy retorted, waving his space babes playmate magazine around. 

"Uh, don't you mean three times?" Meow said. "I'm pretty sure your math is wrong." 

"Yeah, and what would you know about math, you mangy flea-ridden hairball?" Dandy shot back. "All you do is sit there stuffing your face and smooching your girly pillow and scrolling through your phone." 

Meow glared at Dandy, throwing a cheese curl at his head. 

"If you get cheese powder on my pompadour I'm strangling you and tossing you out with the trash you mangy hairball!" Dandy yelled, chasing after Meow, who had fled the scene with his container of cheese curls.

QT closed his eyes, trying to ignore the sounds of crashing and yelling as Dandy chased Meow around the Aloha-Oe like a madman, at least until Meow ducked into a corner and threw more cheese curls at Dandy, who shouted when he threw Meow, who landed right on top of QT. 

"Ow!" QT yelled while Meow screamed when Dandy picked up him by the collar, still yelling like a madman. 

"Hey, guys, guys, stop arguing, we've got bigger problems to worry about!" QT yelled when he saw a strange pink cloud ahead, followed by the Aloha-Oe making a beeping sound that didn't sound right. 

"Yeah, what?" Dandy asked, dropping Meow like a pile of bricks. 

"Ow, that hurt, dumbass! And your pompadour is half grease anyways." Meow muttered before turning to QT. 

"Hey, what's that weird symbol flashing on the screen?" Meow asked QT when he saw a strange symbol flash on and off several times. 

QT turned to answer Meow's question but was verbally cock-blocked by Dandy mashing the warp drive button. "Come on you damn warp drive, don't fail me now!" Dandy yelled as he slammed down on the button over and over. "Dark nebulas mess up your hair like nothing else." 

"Uh, Dandy, dark nebulas are a lot worse than that." QT tried to tell him to no avail. "If we hit it, we're gonna be goners. As in permanently gone from this universe in fact." 

A sudden noise from the side of their spaceship hitting a nearby asteroid broke everyone's concentration, leading to a cacophony of girlish screams, Dandy furiously trying to steer out of the path of the dark nebula while still mashing on the warp drive button when another much larger object bumped against the Aloha-Oe from behind. 

"Ugh, really, at least buy us dinner first, asshole!" Dandy yelled to whatever just hit them, sticking his middle finger up. "Dandy ain't a cheap date either unless you're a chick with a big booty or a waitress from boobies!" 

"Seriously, Dandy?" QT moaned in aggravation. "How does your mind go there in a moment like this?!" 

"Yeah, I don't know what's going on anymore but I just wanna get out of here already." Meow said when the same object hit them from behind again, propelling them forward at a terrifying speed. 

"Frankly neither of you ever know what's going on-Aieeee!!!!!!!!" 

"AAAAAAA!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!" 

About 30 seconds of screaming later, Dandy and crew realized that not only had they been bumped out of the way of the dark nebula and it was now nowhere to be seen, a strange man with long silver hair, pointed ears, and a nose ring with a thin chain that connected to a piercing on his left ear was now aboard their ship. 

"Greetings, friends. My name is Nu Mikitakazo Nshi and I happened to notice you fellow travelers were about to crash into the dark nebula so I used my ship to push your ship out of the way. Unfortunately, my ship was destroyed in the process so I had to take shelter on your ship for the time being until I can find a way to return to Earth." 

"Wait what about the ship-" 

"How did you even get here anyways, what the hell is a Mikitazako whatever anyways-" 

"Guys, hold on a moment." QT scolded Meow and Dandy. "He seems like he might be a genuine unregistered alien, we could get a boatload of money if we take him to the registration center before taking him to Earth. I bet we'd make so much money you could go to Boobies every day, Dandy." 

Just as importantly, QT thought, this Mikitakazo or whoever he was seemed to be a nice enough fellow and far more capable in the intellect department than Dandy and Meow combined, and the vacuum cleaner-robot hybrid sighed in relief upon meeting someone who actually seemed to have a decent amount of screws screwed in correctly. 

QT, ever striving to be helpful and courteous, then turned to address the stranger. "I'm QT and my friends here are Dandy and Meow. We're alien hunters and we find new species of aliens and have them registered in a huge database for money. Thank you for saving us by the way." 

"There's no need to thank me, I was just doing what anyone would have done." the stranger declared. "Since I no longer have a spaceship, I don't mind waiting until the three of you have time to head for Earth before you take me there. If there's anything else I can assist you with, please don't hesitate to-" 

"Hey, hold up a minute, how do we know this guy's an unregistered alien? And what the hell is Earth? I've never heard of a planet called Earth." Dandy interrupted, addressing QT, then turning to address the stranger. "I'm Dandy, but you can call me Space Dandy. I'm the leader of this little crew here and we hunt aliens for a living. If you really are an unregistered alien, why don't you hang around while we mosey on over to the alien registration center, then we can take you back to Earth or whatever the hell it is." 

Though he looked confused for a moment, the stranger seemed uninterested in objecting. "As long as you can take me to Earth afterwards, I won't mind. My schedule's pretty open until the afternoon." he responded in a polite, sincere voice, his eyes reflecting the genuine nature of his smile. 

"Hey, he really does seem like a nice guy." 

QT thought to himself before he noticed something of almost equal awfulness as the dark nebula lurking in the distance.

"Wait, I thought that was just a rumor." Meow said. "I thought that planet was just some spooky urban legend. And besides, we don't even know where it is." he continued, ignoring the sudden look of fear etched on QT's face. "Don't get me wrong, we're glad you saved us from becoming pulverized back there but our map system doesn't even work so even if we knew where Earth was, it's not like we could figure out how to get there." 

"Hey, QT, what're you freaking out about?" Dandy mused when he got a glimpse of QT's face. 

A sudden series of long, obnoxious beeps interrupted the conversation, causing the stranger to slump over, clutching his head while hives appeared all over his skin. 

"Hey, are you okay?" 

"What the-stop beeping you damn spaceship, I dragged your sorry ass in for repairs last week-fucking jackasses and their useless, worthless warranty program-"

With no more warning, the Aloha-Oe began descending at a frightening speed, tumbling into the atmosphere of an unusual blue and green planet, the spaceship vibrating like a massage chair but in a faster and much more horrible way as they descended into a layer of clouds and-

"Ahh, your hands, they're so soft and your fingers are so long and slender-I want you to rub my cheek with them-" Kira moaned as he grabbed a woman's hand, rubbing it against his face. 

"Bitch what the-" 

"Shut the fuck up you inbred looking bastard, Jotaro's about to attack-" Rohan scolded Okuyasu. "That freak's gonna blow us all up if Jotaro doesn't stop time in time or whatever." 

"But what the-how can he stop time in-"

"AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"Koichi?!" Josuke yelled, turning to his friend when he saw him screaming in horror, involuntarily joining him when he saw what Koichi was looking at, which was then followed by Hayato joining them in their cacophony of pure unadulterated fear.

"Bites the dust!" Kira yelled, activating his stand, to which Jotaro responded by summoning Star Platinum to open a can of fresh baked, straight out of the oven ora ora's on Kira's ass for a grand total of some undefinable amount of time. 

"Mr. Jotaro, watch out!" Koichi yelled for about 2.5 seconds before promptly going back to screaming just in time as Jotaro moved out of the way when some large unknown object from the sky descended upon a certain serial killer with a hand fetish at the exact same moment as an ambulance car did, crushing his head and twisting his neck at an unnatural angle with a horrifying snap. 

The moment Kira's blood leaked onto the pavement, his body twitching for a brief, awful moment, that was when the party started-although no partying was done, considering nothing could be done anymore, but that was irrelevant. With the bizarre, biologically unexplainable phenomenon that occurred due to the combination of Kira's stand causing an explosion that created a hole in the ground, Star Platinum ora ora-ing the hell out of Kira, the natural concentration of Pionium in Dandy himself, and the force of the Aloha-Oe crashing onto Kira at the exact same moment the ambulance ran him over, the multiverse exploded in one big dramatic flash, resetting every possible universe and even the impossible ones into a big ball of nothing. 

Of course, this left the crew of the Aloha-Oe the residents of Morioh, and all other forms of known and unknown life out to dry as their current state of existence came to an end, but of course, the end is only the beginning of something else. Truly, the real party, well the real party was just about to start, because only due to the grand explosion of the multiverse were our intrepid heroes able to start their true journey.


End file.
